Always second place

I cant believe it. Really? Am I really that much of a pushover? Such that everyone, including my friends, the ones whom I thought I really has a chance to bond with doesn't treasure me, puts me at second place all the time. Seriously, what the fuck. Is there something wrong with me such that no one can stand it?

I was pissed. Really very pissed. So pissed that I really felt like crying. Why is everyone treating me this way. I really don't get it. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME. I get this feeling that one day when I'm sad, no one will come to me. I will be left alone. Why must things be this way. WHY. If you really don't like me, just fucking say so, so I can go look for other friends and leave you alone.

Everyone affects my mood. Whether in a prominent way or not. Better still, they may not even notice how much they've hurt me. But whats worse is when they know, and not do anything about it. I don't know how to act around you anymore. Should i let it go and continue to 看你脸色做人. I really don't know.

But maybe I should put all relationship aside first. Its really affecting my mood like siao. I cant concentrate or focus. Cant be bothered anymore lah. I'm tired. Real tired. I'm just gonna dao the whole situation and pretend everything is okay as far as I can. Really.

You can depend on NO ONE to give you happiness. Really gotta do it yourself.